Dwelling Lights

The Unveiling of Revealtions and Myself

2009-08-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

It has been a great many months since i wrote.
I finally found that i needed this time to adjust and see where God was leading.
Noah is now almost 10months and finally i feel ready to begin my discovery of Christ again.

Today i attended the 3rd lesson of the Precept studies on Revelations @ FMC (church). Going into this i knew that this was going to take a lot of soul searching and some time management. Still,I do Want a Revelation.

I asked myself through out this 3rd lesson on Revelation 2 have i forgotten my 1st love? In relationships have i even loved before? What is love? I`ve always thought love was to have that physical chemistry between you and another person but is that all it is? Before knowing Him i can truly say i knew nothing. After knowing Christ can i say have i forsaken the precious times i had with Him? Honestly i think i have. I need more of Christ and less of "me" in my life :)

God has been good that he knows me through it all. The Divorce of my parents, the heartbreaks in my life, my past, my future sealed in the palms of His hands. I believed the 1st time i really loved Him was that night in my past where i cried and poured my heart to Him and believed that i can deserve more. I can have a better future. And God, He is a humorous God. He took all the pain and turned me around. The mask. The hidden words that i had never spoken in my heart, the wounds that had been torn and reopened He healed. He even gave me a man that showed me what love truly is. I guess it`s because of our common goal in Christ that we love one another.

D is so much more. He understood my brokenness and how God had changed me. I like to think we compliment each other ;) He says i`m the sunshine in his otherwise dull life and he the anchor in mine. How wonderful it is to love and be loved.

Loving Noah is more than i can imagine. Holding him each morning and smelling his baby smell just before he sleeps gives me pure joy! There are days where i get weary of the routine but i tell myself how blessed i am to be loved and that i am able to love this little, healthy, cheerful baby.

All in all i want more unveiling, I want to learn what HE, the Almighty wants of me. With all the changes to come in our lives may we continue to look upward and not falter behind ;)

Perhaps He is unveiling things to you too?

"Love
And now I will show you the most excellent way.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,. I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,and if I ahve a faith that can move mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor andsurrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails"

1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Beloved know that He loves you just as He loves me ;)

What Happened ? This Happened.

2009-03-02T19:27:00.000-08:00

Dreaming of Milk...

Sayang (love)

One of his fav toys from Aunty Mae
Another of his joy, his fingers, thumb, fist ;)

A Prelude to Valentine@s day our 4 years together

Chinese New year 2009

Gabe and Noah ;)

Its been wonderful taking care of Noah. He is almost 5 months now and 8.7kg . During these last few days it has been really tiring as David was away in Thailand and i had a bout of gastric flu and yet another stye under my right eye lid.

Yet despite the tiredness and sickness it is wonderful to wake up each morining , breathing in his sweet baby smell and thanking God for this miracle of life that is part of me.

It`s a new year and almost 3 months into it. I feel like i have almost awoken a new chapter in my life. Some days are mundane others filled with wonder and joy. Joy. I need more of that. I pray for a direction that God will give me and for the Joy in living and loving.

I am still reading " Passion and Purity " by Elisabeth Elliot in it she reminds me:

" What to do with Loneliness-

Be still and know that He is God. When you are lonely, too much stillness is exactly the thing that seems to be laying waste your soul. Use that stillness to quiet your heart before God. Get to know Him. If He is God, He is still in charge. Remember that you are not alone. `The Lord, he it is that doth go with thee. He will not fail thee neither forsake thee. Be strong and of good courage.`( Deut. 31:8. ) Jesus promised His disciples, `Lo, I am with your always` (Matt 28:20) Never mind if you cannot feel His presence. he is there, never for one moment forgetting you. "

Seems like God is telling me something. Sometimes when you look back at what you have read it suddenly dawns upon you ;)

Have a blessed week my dear friends.

Babe in the Woods

2009-03-02T19:04:00.000-08:00

I attempted to write a while back, one night. However my mind drew a blank at the @_____.com . No matter how hard i tried i could not remember the _______?!? I tried blogger, hotmail, yahoo. Every thing but gmail. Haha i felt so defeated as i was at it for over half an hour. I decided to sleep on it and finally remember the next day.

Why the babe ?

I remembered going to the Chinese Physician (sinseh) and wondering rather naively that they would be giving me some herbs and send me a packing home ;) The 1st time they told me to cover my hands in wax (repeatedly for 5mins) after that Doc J snapped my wrists back to positions and did some rather painless but frightening acupuncture. They did this for about 3 to 4 sessions and finally it my wrists got better. However my stiff neck was another problem.

This was scary. Doc D asked me to relax as she stood behind me with my hands behind my back. She stretched me out like a pretzel and snapped my neck too.....oohhh Felt kinda strange actually but good ;) I tried to remind myself they have degrees from Nanjing University and one of them is a professor. Images of vampires came to mind as they sunk yet another needle into my neck.

Next they told me to lie down and my head was wrapped round a rather strange device. Every so often it would click and pull ( and i mean Pull) my head back a little. Needless to say i felt rather "light -headed" after it all.

For my last trip they told me i will be going for "tui na" sounds good. I wondered if it was the lack of sleep or lack of chinese knowledge i actually thought it would be some sort of a nice massage. Boy was i wrong.

This rather cute boy used his fingers to pull and press on every single painful spot on my neck for about 20mins. He asked if it was painful at some points. ( It was!) I managed to hold it together praying that this will all work out good. After he was done i thought i was finally over but our Professor came and she told me she will be doing "ba qua" . Didnt know what it was but if it was good for me what the heck;) It turned out to be the little glass bulbs that they burnt and placed on your back. Haha it felt like i had big, gigantic lechers sucking on my back at one point she asked if it was painful as she rubbed with the lech across my shoulder.

Having said all of that , the fact that i can type this blog proofs that it did work after all ;)

So I`m glad and Praise to God for bringing me thru it all. After all what Can be worse that The Labor Pain .

After 30 days

2008-11-12T18:10:00.001-08:00

Our photos of the last month ;)
dun bother me please...

i love the feel of a soft bib...zzzzz
Me in my stroller

My 1st haircut by paternal grandma ;)

Red eggs for the celebration of Noah`s 1st month. To celebration a good 1st month of Noah`s life according to chinese belief.

Isn`t my Grandma and Nai Nai pretty?

Hmmm do i like my bounce???
Maybe...

Bath time again.

nap time.

It`s been a wonderful month of napping, changing diapers and early morinings. Noah is a wonderful baby except when he is hungry or hot then he gets really impatient.

I spoke to David yesterday and we both agreed that being a parent takes up lots of time from each other. When D goes to work i am usually asleep and when i am feeding Noah at night D has to sleep earlier. But God is good and reassuring - just as he had given Abraham a sacrifice in place of Isaac so has HE reminded us that we do our best as parents and as a couple and have faith in God that HE can guide us through. HE can heal all hurts and tiredness. HE is our ultimate teacher and provider.

We told ourselves that we have to remember to cling on to God 1st and maintain a good, loving relationship with one another.

Noah is growing each day. Learning to smile, stretching his head to look at the world. Devouring milk with all his might one minute and falling into deep slumber the next. A part of me wishes he stays this way forever another can`t wait for him to take his 1st steps and grow. I never knew one could learn so much from such a tiny person. Just like God our father loves and molds us.

I am looking forward to learning and being teaching Noah each day.

"Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?". Abraham answered, " God himself will provide the lamb for th burnt offering , my son"- Genesis 22:7b-8

Our boy ~ Noah Chong

2008-10-19T03:00:00.000-07:00

Just born 8th Oct 2008

About 1 week old
19th oct

We welcome our dear little angel , Chong Wee En, Noah ( Great Grace i chinese). Born on the 8th Oct 2008, 7:35pm weighing 3.6kg. We Thank the Lord for a safe natural birth after 7hours labor. All of us are doing fine and he is fully on breast milk now and growing stronger each day!

Thanks for all the well wishes and gifts!!

~May the Lord continue to guide us and mould us as parents. ;)
love,

proud mummy and daddy
Phoebe and David

"By faith Noah, being warned by God abt things not yet seen, in reverence prepared an ark for the salvation of his household, by which he condemned the world, and became an heir of the righteousness which is according to faith. " Hebrews 11:7

Cure for the Soul

2008-09-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

Present from my GF

Psalm 103:15 "As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children - with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts."

My Husband knows actually what i need to cure my cold. Nope not his hugs and kisses, though it`s great to get that. And not bouts of medicine. But the "Cure for my Soul".

He has been trying to get me to listen to our Japan Church MCC, message from Pastor Roger Horwood ( a guest pastor from South Africa) and i had been thinking, " Well i had been attending church here, was it necessary ?"

http://www.englishchurchtokyo.org/message.htm

It was! I listened to the massage on " I love you", his last one before leaving japan and heading home to South Africa and realize indeed. God wants us to have a full life, full of Joy, Excitement and Love abundance. He gave love so we can love others!

Why have i been so downcast and sad?

I should look forward to the future with great Joy an remember the promises that God has given. Like the ones below that Pastor Roger had mentioned.

"Sometimes we wonder if God has forgotten us . . .
- or has ‘missed’ something
Isaiah 54:10 “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”
But does that mean we won’t have any problems?

Isaiah 43:1 But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."

I think back on the 30 years that God has given to me. The past trials, the joy of redemption and and love, friendships that withstood time and distances. Bonds of family, marriage, peace, hope and a future as a mother. What more can i ask , but to sing Him praises and thanksgiving.

I hope to be a true believer, i want to have the joy and be a women that can give more, a wife and mother that God can be proud of!

May the Lord grow and mold me each day!!!!

Ps* We have about 4 more weeks till Noah is born! Pray for us! Heal me Lord of my Cold and my Soul!

Little Rain

2008-08-22T03:05:00.000-07:00

For Noah

Little Rain

Pitter-Patter,
it descends from the window panel
to the land of my home,
like the music in my heart,
I count each beat ,
till the time we meet,
the pitter-patter of your tiny feet.

Like a melody of sorts
I am so intrigued
by the beauty that God has created
this body growing inside of me.

Mesmerized & in awe
i cannot wait to received this
rainfall of sunshine given
to us,
how blessed are we.

A Simpler Me

2008-08-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

It`s been almost 5 Weeks since i came back to this sunny island.

I`ve been taking in the heat and trying to get get used to the reversed culture shock.

Honestly i thought it would be easier coming home than it was leaving for japan. Perhaps its the hormones or the lack of independence (being a homemaker for this long) I found Singapore faster than i remembered, less familiar and in general changed. It is nice to catch up with old friends and to go to rekindle my love for Singaporean food :p

I enjoy staying with my mum, having her around during this time is such a blessing. Still it takes getting used to staying with someone even if you love her so. I find her lifestyle sometimes too taxing and wonder if it has something to do with her frequent headaches and pain.

My sister has been working for about 6mths now. Her working hours are long and yet i can tell she truly enjoys her job. It so meaningful to her helping these students. I teared listening to her sharing. She is going to be a married woman and me a mum. How we have all grown. ;)

D and i skype and talk almost each night and his sweetness and patience is so reassuring. Sometimes i get impatient and moody but he always reminds me that God is foremost the most important in our life. When we place our faith in Him he can work wonders and give strength.

Happy Belated Birthday Honey!

Baby is doing very well in my tummy, he seems to be moving more these few days and even kicks back when i poke my tummy sometimes. I think Noah has to be 2.2 kg by now ;) I shall be seeing the doctor on monday and look forward to it. The Doctor is very nice but i wished she is less introvert. Well the important thing is that she is experienced and that everything will go well.

I am still kind of looking for a prayer group and i believe that God will provide during the right time. Pray for me that i can strive in doing my quiet time daily and that i can trust in God to provide for all in the future.

Sorry but i feel so uninspired to write the important thing i guess is i be patient and that i continue to have faith in all senses.

" I live my eyes up to the heavens , where does my help come from, My help comes from you creator of heavens..."

" On my bed I remember you, I think of you through the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings, My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me. "Psalm 63: 6-8

I have kind of recovered from a cold and i finally when to see an eye doctor, she did an cut on my eyelid to remove the little bit of the stye. May the Lord heal my eye and body ;)

Sayonara Japon, Part 2

2008-07-22T23:04:00.000-07:00

**Please Pray for my mom, she had to go the Emergency room on Tue as she was feeling pain on her hands and legs. She is better now but the doctors need to do more tests to confirm if it has to do with her "Remumatology Arthritis". **

Below are the pictures from my last day at Mcc. I am going to miss you all ;)

Dinner at Asterix on 19th July
All of us at dinner Claire and Marko

Sunday 20th July 2008
Good bye to my students, Sayaka and Asuka.

David and me with Asuka and Sayaka Ma, Shiomi, moi, Fumi and Minako

People that inspire me, Takashi (he is a tokyo uni student that defererred a year to speard the gospel. Despite the fact that his mom was dying of cancer; he brought many people to church and his mom accepted Christ before she passed away. Gamabaru Takashi-kun!

Michele with her 2 beautiful gals. I can hope pray that God can mould me to be as strong a mother as Michele is. I shall be praying for good health for her family always. Shall miss you and your lovely kids even Genki Ion.
The men that had inspired me especially Kent Penner in the middle. His wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Emily Ann Penner.My dear sister Fumi, May the Lord give you strength always and wisdom too. Hope to see you in Singapore sometime.
Delectable Ai, may the Lord continue to grow you .
Baby Emily -Ann Cutie Daniel, Emily`s brother Mom`s club, except Shiomi,:) Shiomi with daniel, Tanya with Caleb, Me with Victoria (not my baby though ) and Mayumi with Emily -Ann Roger and me Phil and Dave Scott Claire, Moi, David and Marko With Juiliana, Victoria`s real mummy!Beth, I shall miss her piano, her music, her smile everything. Let`s stay in contact all of you!

Lunch with Sunday School Girls. Okumiyaki! Yummy.
The hungry people Asuka reading the menu Sayaka with the soda bottle Chow time!!

"Jesus will help you when in his name you call." As i prepare to go back to Singapore i feel a little sad that i will be leaving some people here. But the Lord shall provide for all, especially the children ministry over here. I have to believe that. It has been so enriching teaching the girls, having the women ministry and attend bible study fellowship over here. I hope that i will continue to learn God`s word and grow. His pace, His timing.

Need more faith and wisdom in my life and David`s too.

See you soon my dear friends in Sing. Can`t wait!

Sayonara Japon , Part 1

2008-07-22T19:19:00.001-07:00

Day 1 , After a sleepless night we finally arrived at Takayama, but it would take another couple of hours before we reach the village that looks like Kyoto and our hotel.

Takayama

Delicious Lunch on the way to Takayama

They are famous for their tender beef

Totemo Oishii
Feels like Kyoto

Our favorite shop!
I still do not know what this is? The straw from the houses?Goodbye market

Day 2, Kamikochi, the most beautiful scenery i have ever seen in Japan. The 3km hike to the half point was worth it!

This was taken after we got off the bus at the start point of our hike.

Heading towards Kamikochi bridge

David`s geographic shot ;p finally the bridge

Shirakawago, Houses made from straw from the edo period. 100s of years ago. Its a natural heritage site. My mom in law said it reminded her of "Attap house"-the asian version , usually found at kampung (village) ages long ago. Only bigger. ;)

Under the roof, the straws Every 50 years they renovate.
An original home, turned into a cafe. The cafe is 33years.

Day 3, Matsumoto Castle. I really could not climb the castle as the stairs were quite far apart.

Finally sometime to rest..phew...

"The Lord is good all the time."

No I Can`t. Yes I Can...

2008-07-06T23:22:00.000-07:00

3 more weeks to go before i leave Japan for good. Already the madness has started!! That is the eating and shopping one ;) Looks like i will be having a few more SAyonara Parties to attend. I feel a little bitter sweet about leaving here, truly.

My church friends organized a wonderful baby shower for us on the 29th of june and the organizer told me that it had been one of their largest and most successful one. Seeing my friends come to celebrate our joy (even if our baby hasn`t been born)truly was touching for D and me. We played games had tea and snacks and even had an
opening present ceremony. All in true American style, that`s what they told us. Thank you Junko and Kyoko and all the lovely presents that we have received.

Just in 3 years how we have come to know these people as extensions of our family, i could not help but tear a little when i said thank you to all of them. I cannot imagine how i would be able to hold my emotions when i say my farewell speech in church in the near future. It has been so wonderful how people from all over the world (America, UK, Japan, Asia even Africa) have been congregating in a church like this and how homely the atmosphere has been. I can only pray that the Lord will lead us to a church in Singapore that will be as rooted and friendly as MCC.

EAting at Pam`s place
Oishi Veg Curry made by Pam`s husband , Seamus

San, Cat, Vicky and Karen
Pamela, Moi, Fanny and Lulu
Happiness is an overflowing of friendship and belly food ;p
I am also going to miss my Singapore Pals over in Japan. I have met mothers that inspire me and made friends that i have had many a good meal with (San and gang!) Let`s meet up when you are in sing! And thanks Pamela for having us over for lunch ;)

Think i really have to start packing and sorting out stuff. We are going to sort into 5 different sections.

Things to give, things to sell, things going to mom`s place and things to store. Oh and things to throw. I must really start packing!!!!!

I have to stop buying things too. Had a good talk with David yesterday and i do agree with the rising cost of everything and our new baby. We or rather i have to be more thrifty. For the future.

Shall miss Japan but looking forward to returning home to my homeland filled with humidity and people that i love.

"Trust in Him with all my Heart and soul."

* Baby update- He is 27 weeks now. Aiyo can kick like Ninjia and sometimes punch too..hee hee.. Blessed belly ;p The greatest news i heard last week is: My closest Coz is going to have a baby too, 2 months younger!!! Baby`s kicking as i type this..ahha.How wonderful and blessed we are!! Praise God*

** Eye update- The stye is not a stye but a Chalazion. Meaning small lump in Greek. It refers to a swelling in the eyelid caused by inflamation of 1 small oil producing glands located in the upper and lower eyelids.
The eye specialist told me to just placed warm compresses 2 times a day, 5 mins each and to put the ointment that she gave me.

It`s been almost 1 and a half months now since i got it. Sighz! Please pray that God will heal it! It is getting smaller and she told me it will heal in a few weeks.

"Faith! I can move a moutain, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"

Things that go bump in the day and nite

2008-06-25T23:18:00.000-07:00

As your tummy gets bigger your sense of balance, wit and humor seems to lose a little perspective. It does not help that i am usually already horizontally prone haha. Err am i making sense? Someone called this the "blame the belly" syndrome and many prenatal books say that it is rather normal for one to lose their balance and memory even after birth....hmmm. Well hopefully this is just short term for me ;P

Well i have finally gotten around to packing. Well sort of. I realize i still have tons of winter/spring wear to wash and have divided into piles the clothes in the store room. I found myself looking at a pair of pants and wondering if i would ever fit into them again..haha i know I must be positive .

Gotten around to saying "Goodbyes" as well. Someone mentioned that our church in japan is like a revolving door. Someone is always coming and going and i think one of the things i would miss most is my church over here. In many ways i have come to think of it as an extension of home. There are so many role models that D and myself hope to grow into. Men and Women who love God, those who are wise, good mentors and loving Christians. Shall miss them all.

We had to say good bye to a friend who had been coming to Musashino Chapel for 13 years. She is going back to UK or rather has gone back this week. I had a good lunch with her the other day and she told me, she too was going to miss the pace of life over here. Yet she is excited to see what God has planned for her over in UK. Anita we shall miss you!

Grace our little student friend from Church will be going back to states soon too. Her mum is staying with her now and we had a great time with some other students last friday, err attempting to sing. She is one of the exchanged students i have come to know and love over here in japan. Her life is inspiring, she is wise beyond her age and yet there is such humbleness to the greatness. I believe she will go one to great things.

"@Plates (Hiroo) with Grace ;) , Roast chicken was so yummy."

As i go into my 26th Week i can`t help but get excited. With each kick and punch i start to imagine how this little dear will look like? What would his character be like? We pray he would be like Noah- Obedient to God, Wise, Righteous yet Peaceful, Loving and Creative :) No matter we will love him :)

Will Baby look like me?

Or like David above with posing in black and white before his "2nd chance debut" and being a cheeky boy on his bike ;P

"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
Praise the Lord with the harp;
make music to him on the 10 stringed lyre.
Sing to Him a new song;
play skillfully, and shout for joy.

For the word of the Lord is right and true;
He is faithful in all he does,
The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

By the word of the Lord were the heavens made,
their starry host by the breath of his mouth.
He gathers the waters of the sea into jars,
he puts the deep into storehouses." ~ Psalm 33: 1-7

What a beautiful Psalm, We wait with joy and anticipation oh Lord for our blessing ;)

Back from The Sea and this Week of Praise

2008-06-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

yummy sushi
White beach breakfast area
Beach in front of Hotel
What a Weekend!

The drive to Izu was about 4hours but it was worth it to soak my feet into the cool waters and pearly white sand. Our friends invited us to the opening of their chic little hotel by the sea. The original hotel was built in the 1970`s, reminisce of the old corridor and doors to the room kinda make for the retro place ;) I have more picture of the lovely BBQ dinner of steak, seafoood and greens and the room but have to upload later on sorry..hehee

Before our drive we had gone to see the Dr S and he told me and David that we are going to have a baby boy.;) Hee hee i even saw his little thingy..hahah. Our baby is doing so well and growing well, God be to Glory and i am already praying for a smooth labor.

This week we had Francis and Jocelyn here with us. We played "Taboo" 1 of the nights and i laughed till my belly hurt ;) Its wonderful to get to know them better and to see D look so happy playing ,play station with his brother. And me cooking with Jocelyn proved to be lots of fun for the both of us ;)

Was God amazing that HE kept them safe from the Akihabara Killings. A man had killed 7 people randomly at a cross junction near the shopping centre that Francis and Jocelyn were at. God is so good truly.

They prayed for us before they left and i realy think we are going to grow even closer in singapore ;) Its wondreful to have another brother and sister.
my chicken stew
Jocelyn`s fried egg
dinner time
tonkatsu and fried fish and ika
my bro n sis in law and christ
Praise the Lord too for my mum`s health, the results were negative but the doctor said that the larger lump would have become cancerous if it was left on my mum. Once again God has proven to my mum that HE is real and i just know that she is so close to believing. It seems her new company is doing alright and i hope it keeps her happy and that her health would get better.

She and my sister just knew that we would be having a boy ahah so no surprise there ;)

My dad must be happy too, when I called him he thought i had given birth (just like him;p) I hope this time when we get back to sing i will be able to have a "real" relationship with him. I believe i had made some bad choices such as not inviting him to my baptism and not giving him a present at my wedding ( all you people getting married , honor your parents at your wedding , you only have one set you know).

May the Lord give me strength and wisdom to talk to him.

Speaking of Fathers. My D- the best Father to be, received his 1st Daddy`s Day gift from moi. I gave him a starbucks tumble with my own art--err i will up load the pic of it next time. I truly believe that God will guide David to be a wonderful parent and that we will go through all things together (meaning even the painful labor)

Happy Belated Father`s Day to all Father`s and Father`s to be ;)

" Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind."~ Genesis 9:15

You are the Sty in my Eye

2008-05-28T00:26:00.001-07:00

Blahhhh are you grossed out yet??? This monstrous growth has been invading my eyelid for 1 and a half weeks already.

Yes i have seen the doctor and he gave me some eye drops but *sigh* it looks more like a cluster of pimples. Think i will go see him again tomorrow.

The humbling thing about have a sty is you do not have to worry about eye makeup (in this city of eye liners and fake eyelashes) and you kinda feel liberated wearing glasses and relaxing your eyes.

Today was the last day of my BSF (bible study fellowship) in japan. I felt rather zannen (melancholy??) I remembered coming to my 1st lesson a little skeptical about the theology part and the daily homework. What i have learnt from the lessons, leaders and fellow ladies have been both humbling and eye opening (no pun intended).

Some of this ladies only have English as their 2nd language and do their homework with bilingual bibles and dictionaries. Today was sharing day and i heard of testimonials that made my eyes fill up with tears.

There was this little petite old lady, Irene that really stood out. She is about Mama`s age, 80 plus and has just started Bsf this year. She was originally from Malaysia and has been married to her japanese husband for many years. She told us that she had nearly gone blind this year and for 3 months she had experience total darkness. Yet she strive on praying , refusing to be gloomy and meditated on the word of God and Hymns. She said now she treasures every day she has and wants to share the Word with her loved ones, especially her grandkids.

This lady is so filled with joy as she said all these and i wondered if i would have the same faith and grace when i am her age :) So often we are so clouded by the endless lists of things that we have/want to do and we really seldom have time to reflect. How blessed i have been to be able to have this 3 years in japan.

There are many times where i wished even dreamt of Singapore, but the strength and wisdom of the many ladies i have met in this bible study will stay with me forever. I really do hope i have a chance to carry on my classes in Singapore. I think they are still doing the book of "Matthew" and will be doing "Moses" next year. God willing. :)

My swimming lessons are going really well too. It really is tougher than i thought. We do butterfly and free style. We even kicked with fins (which i totally enjoyed, felt like a dolphin with a big tummy.)It truly is amazing to see pregnant women in their 30 over weeks with their huge tummy swimming so gracefully. Hopefully i can keep swimming up to term.

I am still amazed at how some of the japanese ladies managed to be 8months and look like they just have a watermelon under their swim suit..haha. It`s difficult to ask too when your japanese is so broken and half the time you are staring at them wondering if your words are coherent or not..haha

Oh well i look forward to my last 2 months in japan and going back to my sunny, happy island. Tons of washing and packing to do. God help me!!

Baby says "kick , kick, punch, punch--hello and see you!!"- so Cute wish i could see the doctor earlier. Have to wait till the 14th to see him.

Tomorrow my mom gets her biopsy results, i am praying that it will be negative and that she will be really and willing to start every thing a new.

"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!"-Matthew 6:22

~May my eyes always look towards you, Oh Lord and may i say each day "It is Well with my Soul".
^^21weeks

The Longest Day of My Life

2008-05-22T02:07:00.000-07:00

"Dear Baby In My Belly,

Sorry if Mummy had overdose you with caffeine today ;P

I really could not sleep well last night. Well you know Grandma has, had other operations before but every time it still worries me a little.

Your Grandma, she is so strong and would always make it sound so simple (She was clearing her cupboards when i called her last night). But i know it is her way of distressing.

I feel so blessed that we have family (Grand-god ma and aunty Faye) to help us, cos your Yiyi is not feeling well and cannot cook so well too.

I prayed a lot this morning well you were still sleeping, i actually tried to poke my tummy a little just to wake you to have some company..sorry baby..hee hee. But God really comforted me by showing me the verses " And I am surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20

I really tried to repeat that verse while trying to get your yiyi on the phone just now. I couldn`t seem to get her in the morning or afternoon.

Decided to meet Daddy and aunt Vicky for lunch. Then i went to have coffee with aunt Vicky and may have bore her with all my anxious talk. Still it was nice to have someone to be with.

As we climbed up the hill, it was really nice to feel you moving inside me. Mummy can`t wait to hold you and tell you how much i love you, just as Grandma loves me. And that reminded me of how God has blessed us with you and how HE too will watch over Grandma.

So finally i spoke to Yiyi and Grandma just now. Grandma told me she is started to feel some pain but i know she is very happy that people care for her and that she has finally removed this lumps. We must pray that she will heal well and that the lumps will not have cancer in them.

Yiyi still has fever and a cold, so she too needs our prayers ;) Yiyi needs to relax more and be a beautiful bride in December. I pray that you will be an angel and we can bring you there and not seat at the corner near the exit.haha..i know you will be a good baby. ;)

Okay better go prepare for bible study class and dinner for Daddy. Let`s make char siew today!! Hopefully Daddy will not be home too late.

We love you our little sweetie pie. And God too.

Love,Kisses and Hugs, Mummy Be"

* Dear Friends,
Thanks for praying for my mum, she is now resting at home and will get her results next Thursday ,29th of March. We pray that God will heal her completely and that she will have a good time of reflection this week. May the results be malignant and God `s power be shown to her. Once again thank you for praying with us :) Love Phoebe*

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yojke is easy and my burden is light."

"Eloi,Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

2008-05-16T06:19:00.000-07:00

"Eloi,Eloi, lama sabachthani?"- Which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark 15:33-34

We look at the world today and wonder is it a good time to have children? This world where the climate is changing, animals are going extinct, natural disasters are rampant and people are lost.

Looking at the images of China`s earthquake and Myanmar`s situation, i do ask myself, "What if i was that mother that had just seen her dead child?"or "What if i could not even give milk to my baby?" How blessed are we to be clothed in comfort, to have more than enough food. To even be able to enjoy my swimming class today.

Every morning i asked that God will make this day a better day , that the stressed would be taken away for D. And Little Peanut and me will be safe and healthy. I should also start praying for the people in China and Myanmar too, well that`s the least i could do.

I read that Singaporeans are donating to the Red Cross and other org. as well. I do hope that the Myanmar government will allow the aid to go through.

I went to BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) on Wed. The speaker spoke to me she said "What do you think of the world now and all the things that are happening around it? Do you live in fear and sadness or are you joyful for the Life that is given to you by Jesus? Remembering that God is in control does help. Having a close relationship with Him daily does help."

Placing my faith in what i believe and knowing that God is in control helps me feel that whatever may come, be it being a parent or for the future. I can trust in Him. I can trust Him to give me the wisdom to share with my child the joys of the world and the sorrows too. One step at a time ;)

My mom will be going for a biopsy next Thursday, 22nd May. Do pray for her too. Thank you.

"We can rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5: 2-5

*For the Children of Quake & Fear :

Am i my Father`s child,
if i`m alone in this suffering?
No bed to rest my head,
no place for a bed.

Am i still wanted,
If i am wandering lost?
No home to call my own,
my friends have left me alone.

Do you still hear me as i cry for shelter?
For someone, anyone
to hold me,
be my comforter?

Can i trust? Have faith?
Would i see the light
through this darkness,
i long so for your embrace.

Fill me, My Father,
lost as i, fearful as i.
I wait for your deliverance and grace.
I wait with faith, little less than a mustard,
yet ever so may it grow to be of abundance.

~Phoebe, 16th May 2008, for the children in china and myanmar. Do pray with me for them~

Is it a boy? Is it a girl?

2008-05-08T22:29:00.000-07:00

We really dont know??? I am so very excited about tomorrow, i wonder if we will be able to tell if peanut is a little girly or boy boy.

This year is so full of surprises.

Our little Joy. My sis`s pending wedding. And mom`s major change. I wonder what other surprises God has in store for us ;) I tremble with fear and excitement... aha ha

I have been getting my lazy butt out of the chair. I started doing some yoga and will be starting mummy swimming classes soon. I decided that as long as they do not meditate or go into weird things it should be find to attend it. The stretches are really really good my lower back has started to ache and it really helped. I read that if you seat too long it affects your back too. The one thing that i find difficult not to do is to not seat cross legged. Apparently if you do that you will get veins???? But its so comfy to do that.

Some pregnant mummies are so flexible and i am constantly amazed by the pretzel movements that they can do.

Last Wed, the teacher asked what "Labor" meant to each of us.

I said "Labor" meant "Love" and "Perseverance".

For now that is what it is to me. I think that you need a lot of love and perseverance to go through the most painful time of your life and to focus on the end product, your baby. Besides this Labor is made from love :)

Okay then i shall try to blog more and tell you more. See ya.

* Things that i think baby likes to eat/drink:
-cheese -tomatoes -ice-cream -soy milk n milk -avocado
-root beer -juices (apple n oj) -Singaporean food (esp chicken rice)
-healthy stuff ( nuts, raisins )

(think i will go get some of these things now..haha)

"All things bright and beautiful , all creatures great and small. The Lord,God made them all..."~ To all mummies and mine, Happy Mothers` Day~

15 weeks and counting

2008-04-14T00:07:00.000-07:00

That`s "I`m turning 30, but thinking 26? me and my Lovely Husband, "I`m going to be a Father" - D.

Since we found out that we will be parents life has changed in some big way.

I had all these plans to have a wonderful party with all my "turning 30 this year " friends now that is all on hold. I shall be big and beautiful for our party, only we have to decide on the time ,venue and theme was it the "Glam 30 party" or was it "Short, shortskirts School Girl party" theme??Hmm...

We are not the 1st of friends to be parents and floods of information have been arriving since we had made known the pregnancy. Knowing the good the bad and the ugly just continues to surprise me. I think of my little bump ( i am just into my 2nd trim, 15 weeks) and often wonder how amazing it is that a life can be given by God and that it is all happening here ;)

Honestly i am a little scared of all the what-ifs and how?? But i am just trying to enjoy the ride and well be prepared the best i can.

Samplers of my Pregnancy so far:

Some people throw up all the time, others don`t- count your blessings ;).
Read "Praying for your unborn child", it helped me understand that prayer is powerful even for the tiny being that is slowly being form in you. I prayed that a cyst in my uterus would disappear and it did!
Skin does get worse and your body feels alien to you. (Bigger boobs and sensitive skin)
You feel love for this little life in you even though you have not seen it or feel it.
You feel closer to your husband, it is unlike anything you have felt before.
You can still feel sexy though you in the beginning of the pregnancy you feel like sleeping all the time.
Putting your hands on your tummy each night and praying for your baby brings you joy and peace like non you have ever felt before.
Seeing your baby move for the 1st time is unbelievably amazing.
You are still very much you at least mentally.
You look forward to the stages of it all with fear and faith.

The funniest question D has ever asked me thus far is "how does it feel having the legs in the stir up?" i just could not answer him...haha. I really do love him. He finds my Chinese totally laughable and we both agree that he will be the one in charged of teaching our child "Hua Yu ". My "Shu Cai" became "Liu Cai" when i tried to read a text. Hey it is not easy reading the bible in Chinese okie ;p

To our friends and family that have been praying and encouraging us we thank you, do continue in prayer for us. And to our friends trying for a child we say don`t give up and we are praying for you all too.

"Peanut says "Hi, i`m 13 weeks"

"May the Lord dwell in my writing and my thoughts and may i be a light for Him shining in this world of darkness and lost hope."